Routine Life

You create a purpose, an intent, you can destroy it.
Creation and destruction are natural phenomenon. One that gets created would get destroyed.
Desire to stay in vacuum, being on the stands of the game called life.
Observing people being happy, being sad, judging evaluating, waiting for a safe time when you would start playing, living actually.
And then wonder of wonders, what is the meaning of life, is the tone that plays.
Nothing has to be done, nothing.
You could do various things, all the same. Desire to do dims, been there, done that.
What next, is the question?
How could Harry Potter have settled to a normal life after his seventeen years of adventure, is the question that crosses the mind?
Something that would be bigger than me, would challenge me could be an answer.
What constrains me is my responsibilities, the fear of failure. Not actually the fear of failure, but the depression that ensues when you put everything on stake, and loose out. Invariably, you think are you a moron, a person with sub-normal intelligence. What were you thinking, and if you weren't thinking, why not? Huh, is the only retort. I would be more careful, more thoughtful is what you offer. But damn, the life of thoughtfulness and care is boring.
Feel like dozing off.
Wonder what would it be like if i were a psychologist?
Damn never stop trying it on myself, hope would not drive my patients nuts.
Coming back to life, i like to call it quits in the middle of all the projects i take. Why?
They stop being fun. I remember as a kid, i used to play cricket, and i used to play with the first gang of friends, then the next gang, and would never tire.
That was fun for me.
The wizened old man, i was sitting next to in a seminar, looked so cheerful and happy. He was enjoying life, being happy, and having fun. He opined that it is not what is outside that is fun, but what you make of it. Intellectually, and theoretically, i agree.
But practically, no. Why is the entertainment industry there?
Is it like that some things are naturally fun, and others need to be created like that?
People opine that living a life, where you are looking for fun is maddening, because something would turn you on, something would turn you off, and life is not in your control. But damn, what do you do with the control in your life? Play a rat race, enjoy nature, muse or abuse.
Guess the answer does not lie in pondering, it lies in living, doing things that i would love to do.
Hmm, the spirit is down, but not out.
To a greener pasture, to a lively place, tada for now.